becoming a friend

The acts of becoming, as opposed to being, a friend, are, at their best, stepwise removals of social veils: not a steep drop into casualness, but a deconstruction. Removing each piece deliberately makes each clear, and displays our control of them. That is an assurance as well as a display: an assurance that we can reimpose them as needed. A friend worth having needs to know that we can resume the veil, since a friendship is a contingent social unit. The presentation of self is subsumed, partly, in the presentation of that unit. I do not speak of secret friendships.