feeling

I do not live through my emotions; likely some others do. I live in my emotions, as I live in my body. I feel emotions as sensations, as physical feelings. On the nape of my neck, or the pit of my stomach, or toes, or (of course) more privily. The question is whether or not to step in for a moment, as if into a bordello, or to stand apart. Usually, that is. Shame is the only feeling with which I have much experience of being compelled to feel -- of being interrupted, stopped and taken. The feeling of shame is exactly that of growing faint -- reduced field of vision, a ringing tone in the ears, prickling skin, a heavy stomach, and wobbliness. I feel that about twice a year over something or other. Compelling, interrupting feelings that are not shame have come to me only very rarely -- grief, maybe three times in the last decade.